Changing Fantasies Part 99

A personal superior relationship standard is naturally and historically set and unless the latest champion on the field has his/her entire act together or at least most of it, why bother? We are creatures of habits and once we live inside an incredible connection with another, we expect nothing less. I am a ranting optimist – into fairness and justice for most – but I am also a practical human being. Time has shortened and is speeding up so why waste what remains musing around or quasi-involved with those who do not measure up?

Fedbook pals, Vickie and Jane (well, Jane and I are also friends in real life for the last 20+ years), get this because they too knew a mega-love. Prof A, another FB pal and neo-mentor, and his glorious life-long loved one are another truly special case of human love involvement. My bro and his wife of forty years qualify, as do my nieces and their marriages – as members of this unique lot. There are others, I pray. If the axiom – we marry one parent and become another is true – you can fill in the blanks. We parrot and practice mime what we see and hear as role models?

When i write about love between men and women (I am not gay, so I can’t write about their version, or other combos) it is not an illusion or a fantasy. What is mind blowing is how few folks actually experience solar system shaking love.

I knew within a short period if Arthur was the guy for moi and he knew if i was for him (although as a man it was his secret for years) long before he made his approach. His following from afar was not stalking, rather an intellectual’s period of evaluation and consideration for comparison and emotional cost-effectiveness. Witty articulate Capt. Arthur was a brilliant private attorney and superior human being who was communitarian compassionate by nature with a happy go lucky intimidating personality – not regular style in any regard. It may also have been his #recovery program at the time required him to not fall for a ‘slip under a skirt’.

Capt. Arthur waited for a jelled opportunity and the shifting and sifting in his life to then wing-in over my intersection and perform aerial loop-de-loops. His outfit was self-appointed. He dressed in a camel hair blazer, light wool designer dress slacks, a commercially pressed tattersall shirt, silk Argyle socks (paying homage to the Scottish lass thing) and suede boat shoes. I was oblivious as my goal at the time was to not remain on the edge of the #Hamptons, NY, but to return to my home place, the golden state of #California.

Love Hints #1 thru #8: Letting go is not about denial. It is the exact opposite. It is #freedom. It is #openness. It is #generosity grown and idee fixe shed to be packaged and presented with modernity and tradition.

As the play of amour unfolds it is a matter of the fearless #heart to NOT let the inhibited complex brain jump the gun or let the lug of baggage cargo f*ck it up by putting pedal to the metal or acting nonchalant – what I call ‘the get away closer syndrome’. Yet, potentiality must flow beyond maybe, might, and a #relationship composed of absentee pledges and being palish “walish” via tiny white electronic screens. Having a bee in one’s bonnet or a wild hair up your arse are phobias manifested to take the focus off hidden emotional problems. Standing naked in the luminescence with no projections, no judgment, and no phony filtration is naturally earned endearment not slanted infatuations on a string of changing fantasies.

#Love, the zesty, delightful, deep feeling radiant kind is also as far removed from co-dependency as one can paddle in front of a surging incoming tide. Appreciation, an in-love disposition, a soft spot, a weakness for, and so forth are best wishes and affections to convey garden variety love. What I am confessing is something in the grand arena of cosmic oneness and spiritual mutualism fulfilled. The luster and locale is not searchable on #Goggle Earth. It is a birdy place where dreams are not cajoled and confidence is not propped up with agendas and wobbly values.

To inveigle another (sweet-talk) is part of the glowy intro, yet to expect this chatter to forever be the exclusive underwriting to an epic relationship is maya. Further, never give-up on the sweet talk or spontaneous eruptions of subtle dazzle -directed at your s.o (significant other), or all becomes gaudy interpretation rather than classic world view.

Are you beginning to get the jest and the gist of this?

Long distance couplings are tough. Twenty-first century love affairs established #on-line are hampered and kickstarted by promises. These couplings at times degrade into mini-bouts of paranoia because the two want to be together as one then they don’t then they do. Many blaze out in a fresh form of no-go for man and woman – i call it reciprocal unrequited love.

Hundreds or thousands of miles apart is an empty desert with few oasis but aplenty with mine fields of what ifs and maybe nots. Then again, why spoil the luscious beginning by forgetting to relish each tantalizing moment. Yet, glued to this introductory joy is mutual hope for actualization or it flops faster than a Broadway play. The example I recall was with TV stars Mary Tyler Moore and Richard Chamberlain (December 1966). After four disastrous preview performances Bob Merrill, the mega-producer, pulled the clunker . . . to not, “subject the drama critics and the theater-going public – who invested one million dollars in advance sales – to an excruciatingly boring evening, I have decided to close.” The play? Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Some movies are better left in their original format and not reinvented in another medium, not unlike collector novels.

The wonder about #cyber-installed beginnings is how the pending coalition is without the full gamut of input pressure. Cyber-dating allows for untold testing with emails, video communications, and instant chats (IMs without any accountability) – along with vast swatches of downtime to consider, evaluate, and mentally masturbate about a bail out or a drop-in.

The horror about cyber affairs is how the coming together for many is based on one-sided changing fantasies (without accountability) – i.e., those constantly in love with being in love (read high). Again, these are shallow renditions and not even mirrors to what I know as true-blue love. People invest way too much via little electrified screens instead of figuring out how to meet in person and proceed normally in a full court press of potential merger or run the hell the other way. Personally, I find cyber-locus feigned alliances boring if not stupid, not unlike coal mining with a toothpick, sans a decent lantern.

The actual game plan to fit into each other’s lives is not a dramatic ordeal. Somehow, even between aging set-in-their-way brainiacs prone to project management and reams of options, the nerd bud pops open and the lotus flower of togetherness blooms. For the younger set, many choreographed couplings happened when #Anonymous took to the actual streets in protests. The vitual cyber masks were pulled down and the real Guy Fawkes plastic jobs held in place until eye locks were released.

Sterling moments of closeness originating with eye locks outweigh darkened aloneness. Two become conjoined by a golden thread. If you think a marvelous pairing ends due to eventual arse dragging familiarity you have neither experienced nor witnessed the quality of blended lives I speak from on this platform.

If you experience glimpses of eye locks and deny the authenticity you are a scared little rabbit seeking to hump, overly crusty- burned from a prior engagement, or your turpitude is beyond depraved (ex.=  seeking a western green card to escape the local horror show of drone wars; or surging the sex-trafficking channel).

It is a rarity – a communicative magical honest #union – and in my never humble opinion once accepted is the steadfast human finery of living on the blue marble. It requires fueled faith, kindly consistency, understanding loyalty, and spot on humor. Because, when Murphy’s Law steamrolls across the parallel pathways and other shit dumps on ya to test one’s guts and weigh one’s conviction and confidence the wisdom to laugh standing tall – holding hands in the wreckage – is a miracle. Togetherness wins the day, soothes the night, and pushes the hit of momentary joy back into the now.

There was a possible keeper on my horizon. He arrived on his paddle board out of the mist of the matrix. The cyber format is more ocean than conduit and too crowded with paddlers. Sincerity and enchantment will divulge themselves if any potential duo rating is high enough on the tenderness meter to meet or surpass what was . . .

Today, someone railed how can I act (read reject) based on such an old-fashioned comparative methodology, bla, bla? Aye, he is one of the truculent pretenders to the Arthur throne so his male ego is out of joint, but then again it is a valid question.

How can i apply a dearly nearly 20-year marriage to what is now a dead prince’s memory to evaluate and benchmark others in the living here and now? It is damn easy and getting more so. I can, and i do. I am not required to understand you, your predicaments, or empathize with same unless you exhibit a verifiable heart felt apodictic.

With no succulent assurances, we know. We intuitively recognize each other? Precious real gems sparkle and resonate different from artificially made or faked ones – not for a moment, but in perpetual display the tried-and-true ones are immortal. Vickie and Jane contend it is likely our ardent rich captains of love were the last of an extinct breed. I am holding out Capt. Arthur was the second to last of a dying breed.

If you sing for your soul, your family and friends, and the mothership (Earth), the drama-comedy of human life is never boring or riddled with fallacious accommodations. We each reside in a singular holy temple adorned with stark bareness for some and aesthetic jungle exuberance for others.

I prefer dependable orchestrations of honesty, allegiant ethics, Highlander honor, generosity, density of light, kindness of paying it forward, bigga brains, classy demeanor, political savvy, bravery, provocativeness, mystery, and ripe romantic events. And, no i do not need to open a space on airbnb.com to find interesting people. The expats of Costa Rica are already filtered by the country’s own reality of no military since 1948, no nukes, and a socialistic democracy’s gigantic commitment to environmental stewardship. The fact CR arrests and convicts its presidents for corruption is another portent plus.

Why is it so hard-core difficult for imaginative over-educated men to understand a woman of my rank is not looking for golden pots and inbred independence to steal? What prevents one from risking to uncover the profundity of improved wholeness?

Fear – fear of  . . . heartbreak, intimacy, death, illness, getting out of one’s comfort zone, commitment, exposure, success, performance (anxiety), failure, losing independence, and, the list bleats on. Sixty-six percent of single people admit to Fedbook-stalking their dates. Fear acting out in social media – a very new techno venue for a very ancient human core concern = love with another.

In my case, I spend the majority of time as related to men warding them off on-line and sending out this IM to overtures, “I am sorry. I do not do on-line relationships. I am a quasi-public figure and have little time.” But men are men, and most continue to send outreach wanting to be “friends” (certainly, some are romance scammers, this is a given). It is when they chat I am beautiful (read super shallow on their part) and ask ,”tell me about yourself,” my brain cross-wires with my internal female anti-match maker. Then the response from me is curt, “Ya, wanna know who I am? Read my work.” What is unwritten is me ending with “ya, dunderhead,” because i subscribe to civility in all instances. Yet, the balloon out of my head says this snotty sayonara.

Any man I spend ANY time emailing or having a vid chat with (other than political/work related) means i am on a mission of exploration not an adventure looking for sexting or on-line fun. Most of these scenarios morph into lasting friendships and for this I am grateful. I do not participate in the protracted adolescence of changing fantasies (read my first paragraph, again). If you are reading this and we shared good conversation, you made it through the first set of hurdles but have yet to reach the hoops. But, for God’s sake do not consider there is a finish line, because there isn’t a track built, yet, plus none to date are in a permit application.

Keepers? One was a possibility, but he is currently a poetic long shot, as he either never saw the gate or faded around the first turn (his own volition). It is difficult to tell from the Tule fog on the grassy course.

Consternation is intended sabotage or subliminal pent-up anger acting out. The region of bonded or unbounded love is an outlet and an inlet for a vast set of human complexities.

Now, if you care to, please go look up the difference between apodictic or apodicticity and assertoric and while you are at it read Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason and Dee Brown’s Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. If you discern why these are linked in my brain and heart, then you entered an arena of Magna Moralia where I wander around – if you possess decent optics, you get points.

Good birding ?

 

 

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