Pricks in the Aura

Counseling Myself
Part One

Innocence is a swell innate attribute until destroyed by betrayal. Ignorance as bliss is a m.o. many subscribe to because they cannot do brutal honesty with themselves, let alone treat another with compassion. Most of this relationship caca is the fear of intimacy up on its rear legs doing what ever it can to feel nothing while protecting itself. Going through the self-defeating motions, like a bad actor in a worse play, pretending it is real love yet never really feeling much of anything except maybe guilt. Then boom, bang, boom the 2 by 4 gets smacked in the third eye and reality sporting a shit ass grim steps through the door. 

No longer is the game viable. Something strange settles across the landscape of the heart like a rotting mass of stinking yellow fruits and veggies. Some get out the shovel and clear a path out. Others keep hoping the jasmine perfume and vanilla air wick will mask the stench of the lies. 

On Fedbook, or any social media site, some of the more adroit avatar characters in the tragedy comedy affect silly cyber sex games collecting conquests. When I was out there one would encounter the male god gift to womanhood trolling through a bar. The semi-regulars, like me knocking back one or two before hitting the road to commute from city work addiction to country lifestyle, would encounter these prowling lone wolves. One loud boo or recitation of Gregory Corso in their faces normally repelled them. They did not want any brainy complications in their one-dimensional quest seeking. And as Krishna chants, a strong independent woman who puts up with no shit let alone some guy’s obsessive infatuation with infatuation is not an ideal target.

What is obvious is people flirt here, in social media. Harmless little connections to feed ego or carry forward a fantasy enchantment to add spice to their lives? I get these contacts some exceedingly exotic yet disguised and others blatant and rude. The later I block because I really do not want to know the length of your manhood. The former are intellectual creative onions to peel and if lucky we become friends here in cyber hell. Barracudas do not swim on my timeline. Occasionally a shark noses around yet once they see the level of my discourse they hoist anchor for a dimmer lit harbor.

This evening I probably experienced an awakening I never imagined would skid by me let alone cause a five county train wreck in three tweets. I mean I am reeling from it and why writing is such a fine therapeutic exercise. Bare with me, I am not going to define the details because they are not mundane.

What I am doing is trying to sort through the dirty laundry and decide what, if any garments, I want to be anywhere near and burn the others, quickly. The fact is there have been a couple of minor fender benders and one major head-on along the way of this linkage. One would think scientifically I would bail out since I am a political standing pacifist. After the smoke cleared and space happened for some totally unknown reason we darned the sock, dragged off the bent bumpers, and moved closer. I know. Weird. We actually became nearer and dearer to each other, for each other. Or at least this is what I thought was a healing.

Please understand I am not recommending what I am going to explain as how you should go about building a loving relationship/life long friendship. All my prior ones happened purely naturally with no tug or pull or putting on the roller skates. They flowed beautifully. Very few ended as a debacle. Of course they were all in the flesh. I do not need youlube videos from a guru. I was married to the Buddha Arthur.

Confession is not valid unless the person you are sharing your tale of woe to is a dis-affected observer. So, Val and Tricia, you probably want to excuse yourself from this post. Val already pledged she would ride her flying carpet to the scene and beat the crap out of him, last month. Oh yea, it is a him, and he was floating around before I became a widow. As to Tricia – well, I have not kept her in the loop because she knows what is happening as we criss cross the same ethereal beam.

(to be continued, maybe)

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